i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
