apparently the secret to your success is patron
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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