So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
