Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
