Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
