dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
