meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
