All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
