she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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