i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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