i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
