It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
