Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think my moral compass just broke
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