last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
