I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
