so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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