shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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