He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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