You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
