Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
