I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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