I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Buhtt sex?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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