Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
