just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
