Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
