Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
