Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
