i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
