When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
