I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
