Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
