just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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