I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just had sex on a roof
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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