i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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