I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
