I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
