He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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