I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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