I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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