I just saw a hot homeless man
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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