She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
