i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
