if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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