I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?