He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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