I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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