you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
