This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
