Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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