the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
