My balls are so social today.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
