Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
