My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
