It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
