how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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