i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize