I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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