i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
