I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
