just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
