The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
