I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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