I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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