Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
