Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
