Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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