You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
