Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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