If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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